Well, Well - You’re Having Twins! 11 Top Tips On Working With
Newborn Twins
“Twins, it can’t be! No one on either side of my husband’s or
my family can remember anyone having twins.” I guess my words
didn’t matter much because when I heard I was going to give
birth to twins, I felt a blessing, as if a special gift had been
handed to me. Having twins meant being prepared for their
arrival way before birth. I found out that not only did I need
to purchase two of everything; I also discovered that I needed
to be aware of the best way to parent my newborn twins.
Twins are both mystifying and marvelous. Their lives both
enrich and complicate the lives of parents, brothers, sisters,
friends and teachers. The birth of twins is due to either the
splitting of a single egg, which produces identical twins, or to
the fertilization of two separate eggs, which results in
non-identical or fraternal twins. I once read the chances of a
mother of any race delivering twins increases until her late
thirties. The more children she already had, the higher the
chances of twins. This was exactly my story. I was 32 years old
when I gave birth to my fraternal twins (a boy and a girl) and I
had four other smaller children at home awaiting their arrival.
I felt very special knowing that my womb was the incubator for
two precious souls.
I discovered by reading throughout my pregnancy many tips and
techniques that would help me after the birth of my twins. I
gave birth to my twins in Japan, without the available advice of
my family and stateside friends, so gathering this information
was paramount in creating and developing a harmonious household.
Parenting would take on a larger dimension for my husband and
myself. It was really a new ballgame and I wanted to know as
much as I could in order to remain balanced, loving and
emotionally attached to all of my children. Here are some of the
tips, understandings, and suggestions on the raising of twins:
1. When you discover you will give birth to twins, contact a
Twins Club via the Internet or yellow pages and become an active
participant of the club. Learn all you can from other parents
with twins.
2. Names - what to call your twins? It is suggested that parents
choose distinctively different names for their babies instead of
same initial names, i.e., Mary and Marion/Sam and Seth. Keep in
mind that your twins are individuals from day one and should be
thought of and treated as an individual.
3. With identical twins, parents may have a problem telling them
apart. In order to correctly identify each twin, use small
wristbands with their names on it, or select different color
clothing and bedding. Start dressing your twins differently each
day so that everyone knows who they are! Also try to remember to
call each twin by its given name and not refer to them as “the
twins.” This will help greatly in their self-esteem as they get
older.
4. Realize that even though you love both your twins, you may in
the beginning feel more loving to one twin. Why? Because twins
have very distinctive personalities from birth. One baby may
appear more placid and the other baby more temperamental. In any
case, these feelings seem to pass as your twins spend more time
with you.
5. Twins bond pretty early in life. My twins each played a role
for each other. If my son dropped his pacifier, my daughter
would crawl over and place it in his mouth! If my daughter were
looking for something, my son would always find it and hand it
to her. My son was more excitable and full of energy. My
daughter was quieter and more serene. Twins often continue to
show these patterns of behavior during their infancy and beyond.
Even though twins identify with each other, they also need to
create their own individuality. When you see them become their
own person, promote it whole-heartily.
6. Breastfeeding or bottle-feeding? Twins will accept either
one. I found that nursing twins simultaneously, even though
clumsy at first, was the way to go. I would tuck one twin under
each arm, supported by pillows. I would rotate the babies,
changing breasts for each feeding. The advantages of
breastfeeding are, of course, the protection against infection,
as well as the nutrients required for your twins’ healthy
growth. A family saves both time and money when breastfeeding: a
mother has more physical contact while breastfeeding and if
you’re feeding your babies by bottle (separately), it inevitably
takes twice as long. The advantage of bottle-feeding is that
other people around you can share your workload. You can pump
your breast milk and have your husband, or older children, feed
the babies. This will allow you a rest. Important: Don’t forget
to eat several substantial meals a day, as your babies are
breastfeeding. Breastfeeding takes nutrients from your bodily
system. Join La Leche League and attend their meetings if you
decide to breastfeed.
7. Your first year with twins will be hectic and appear at times
to be unmanageable. Remember that your first year should be a
year of seeking and accepting help. You only have two hands.
Isolation will be a part of your day. Your friends may visit you
less and less. True, there is not much time for socializing, but
remember to take “me” time as often as you. Time to get your
nails done, your hair cut, a bubble bath, time for a movie….any
time that is away from your babies. Balance is the key to
everything and if you’re tired and irritable because of being
“mommy” each and every day, you need to allow your husband,
family or friends to take over once in awhile.
8. As often as possible, get a good night’s sleep. Being
refreshed for your day with your twins is vital for your mental
and physical health. Twins don’t necessarily sleep at the same
time, but if and when they do, take a cat-nap yourself. When
your twins are a couple of months old, run the vacuum cleaner
while they are napping. Get them used to noise and then watch
them sleep right through it!
9. Create routines for EVERYTHING. Routines need to be created
for bathing time, feeding time, sleeping time, clothes washing
time, walking outdoors time - any domestic task you do each and
every day should have a routine attached to it. It will save you
energy and your sanity. Doing the same thing (at the same time)
each day will create time for you to breathe and feel whole. Do
not become a slave to the moment; instead make a routine that
can only be changed by an emergency. Without a routine in place,
you will find yourself drained, as you’ll feel yourself being
stretched beyond your imagination.
10. Know in advance: Your time spent with each twin will seem
unequal. One baby may demand more time either because he/she
cries more or takes longer to feed. Do not feel guilty. Every
mother of twins knows that this scenario can’t really be
changed! If you find yourself resenting the twin who occupies
more of your time, re-think this out and decide that you are
doing the best you can. A mother with twins will find it very
difficult to devote any kind of concentrated attention to one
twin without the other twin calling for equal attention. One
day, as the twins grow older, you can dedicate yourself to more
one-on-one time with each twin in a more equitable fashion.
11. Fathers are vital to the raising of twins. Fathers are not
aides or assistants - they are and should be considered an
active participant who can supply the individualized attention
your twins demand. Work out a system with your husband so that
both of you understand who will do what and when for your twins.
Fathers are a role model to a boy/girl twin or a boy twin that
is invaluable.
Being the mother and father of twins is indeed very special.
Parent your twins with joy, patience, perspective and
understanding. Discover the personal growth that develops within
you as you watch four tiny bright eyes peering up at you as you
are feeding your babies. Relax. Be in awe and be aware knowing
that your twins are truly a gift and a grace from God.
Copyright © 2005 by Linda Milo and Empowering Parents Now. All
rights reserved.