Material Monster

Writing your own obituary sounds and feels a little strange, I know. If the idea doesn’t appeal to you, try pretending that you have just won an award and the newspaper is doing a feature story on your accomplishments. By recording what you wish to be remembered or acknowledged for, you will be able to pinpoint the values you would like to live by. And, by identifying your life’s values you will be more able to live them now and in the future.

Values are those things that are more important to you than anything else. Values pave the path for an ideal life. When we live according to the values we have embraced we live a life of fulfillment. If we neglect those values that are of great importance to us, we feel emptiness in our lives.
What would you like your legacy to be? How would you like to be remembered? Think of four of five words that describe behaviors and activities you have noted in your obituary or feature article. Perhaps you noted that you will be remembered for your community service, your love of family, your artistic abilities and your position as an expert in your field. What values do these suggest to you?

Community service would mean you value Contributing. Love of family could mean you value Relating. Remembering your artistic abilities, you would be acknowledging the value of Creativity. And, noting your position as an expert says you value Excellence.

Once you have identified the values you want to be identified with you can work on integrating them into your life in the present. You can create a life that holds true those values by choosing your goals to your fit your values.

If you want to honor the value of Creativity, for instance, you might have a goal of learning to sew or taking an art class.

Keep a list of your values handy and when contemplating a new goal, check it against your values. Values often shift over time. Someone, who once valued Adventure, may now place a higher value on Discovery or vice versa. It’s a good idea to check your values once a year, and what better time than at the start of a New Year.

Beth Densmore is a Personal Life Coach and Motivational Speaker who offers support, inspiration and motivation to those who are in transition and want to achieve a goal. For more information and more free articles like this, visit her site at http://www.newfocuscoaching.com.

It’s one of the most nerve-rattling-and necessary events in
every good relationship. Mr. Boyfriend Material eventually has
to become The Boyfriend. You’ve decided once and for all to take
it to the next level and send Mr. Boyfriend Material to
real-life coupledom.

You can charm the pants off anyone with your sugar lips and
defuse most potentially deadly showdowns with your razor-sharp
wit. Still, somehow, when it comes time to initiate the
relationship conversation (read: turning Mr. Boyfriend Material
into The One) none of that makes a damn difference.

You’re left tongue-tied and nerve-racked. That’s because that
couple-status report inevitably puts you in the clichéd
nagging-woman-pointing-at-her-stopwatch position — and him on
the utmost defensive. Someone is bound to get freaked out, hurt
or misled.

Because the check-in is a necessary milestone in any growing
relationship, you’ll have to face the music at some point. We’ve
come up with a plan for making the commitment conversation a lot
easier on both of you, and it’s actually effective.

When you kiss Mr. Boyfriend Material you get goosebumps. And at
the end of each date, you both agree to do it again…soon. But
since your status with Mr. Boyfriend Material is loose, “soon”
sometimes turns into days or even weeks.

Your goal is to establish some sort of romantic rhythm with Mr.
Boyfriend Material. Problem is you’re afraid that upping the
ante will cause him to fold his hand. Here’s the nudge. There’s
something he likes about this breezy setup or you’d be seeing
him more often than you do your manicurist.

Most likely, he fears sacrificing his time for steady dates with
you. So ease his anxiety by stressing how much is happening in
your life, the concert you saw last week or your friend’s
margarita party, and you’ll zap any jitters he has that dating
you will chip away at his independence. You’ll also become a
more valuable commodity.

Looking to be an exclusive couple? Dying to get engaged?

In a perfect world, all romantic relationships would sail
smoothly from sort-of-dating to madly-in-love. More often than
not, though, the road to Coupleville with Mr. Boyfriend Material
is dotted with commitment detours, ones that your man seems
unable to navigate.

Who doesn’t want to get closer to a man you’re crazy about? But
pushing for a tighter bond is a tricky task. After all, many men
are perfectly happy keeping things between the two of you the
same…indefinitely. So how do you give your love a nudge
without causing him to jump ship?

Things may feel serious with your man. After all, your
Friday-night dates often turn into 48-hour get-togethers, and
his rottweiler recognizes you when you walk in the door. But
since you haven’t had the official “talk” yet, you have
absolutely no clue if you’re his one and only…or if he even
wants you to be.

When the mood is relaxed, find out for sure whether Mr.
Boyfriend Material is seeing someone else by casually asking,
“Don’t the other women in your life get jealous that you spend
so much time with me?” If he just shrugs, follow up with a
playful “So, how many are there? I need to know what I’m up
against.” If he admits he’s dating around, don’t freak. You just
need to communicate calmly and clearly how long you’re willing
to be one of several.

Mr. Boyfriend Material will eventually be The Boyfriend if you
know how to work it. Either way, he’s yours for the taking.

“The secret to happiness is contentment”
(Dali Lama)

If we are content with what we have, and where we are, then we are happy.
This means not grasping for attainment of material objects or even spiritual understanding, but being content and just allowing life to happen.
How does this help us to achieve the things we “want”?

I’m glad you asked! This brings me to Maslow’s theory on the hierarchy of human “needs”, the answer to that question is revealed within the following explanation and its accompanying story.

Maslow, was an eminent Psychologist who developed a theory on the psychological need of humans; it is often demonstrated in the form of a pyramid, and referred to in relation to Education, Motivation and Sales training.

A summary of his theory would be: that we humans have “needs” that must be satisfied in an order of priority, before higher ideals can be achieved the lower ideals MUST be met.
The order of these needs doesn’t change from individual to individual, they are as follows:

1. PHYSIOLOGICAL NEEDS, air, water, food, rest, exercise, etc

2. SAFETY NEEDS, shelter, job security, retirement plan, insurance

3. LOVE AND BELONGING, children, friends, partners

4. SELF ESTEEM (1), fame, recognition, reputation, dignity

5. SELF ESTEEM (2) Confidence, achievements, FREEDOM

If we don’t meet all the needs in the lower levels we will always be in deficit and be trying to meet them before we can obtain the highest levels of complete self actualization and FREEDOM.

Here’s a story I wrote to illustrate Maslow’s theory in a practical situation, it’s illustrated in a negative context because most of us will understand it better this way. Note: (L5) means level 5 as per above.

The following is based on a true story; some details have been changed to allow for publishing here.

A Person’s car breaks down on an old dirt road in the Barclay plains it’s a scorching 44 degrees in the shade, but there aren’t any trees to provide shelter, he’s in the middle of nowhere, outback, Australia.
He was on his way to Darwin to give a lecture on Self Defence. He had been giving these talks for some time now and really enjoyed sharing his knowledge, not for the respect that others gave him, but because he is a master of the subject and it felt good doing it. (L4/5)

At first he wasn’t concerned about the situation and he allowed his mind to be free and ‘take in’, the beauty of the landscape, he started to reminisce about his friends and family, wondering what they’re doing at that time, then he turned on the radio and drifted off to sleep.
When he woke up he realized that he was feeling lonely and would love to have someone to talk to. (L3)

After a few hours he started to feel a little uncomfortable and realized that he could be in some danger so he tried to think of a plan for his safety.

After some time he decided to head off in search for help.
It started getting dark and he became really worried; his senses were tuned into every sound. (L2)

Then he realized that he hadn’t eaten since breakfast and that he was hungry and thirsty. (L1)

After two more days his only thoughts were about finding water to stay alive, he wasn’t concerned about eating because his body knew it could survive for weeks without food, but only a few days without water.
So then his immediate concern was for the basic need of water.
SUDDENLY!! Someone jumped on him from behind, and started to choke him he couldn’t breathe! Then his need for air was stronger than his need for water!

It was only a joke; his best friend had come looking for him when he didn’t show up in Darwin on time.

He found the car then tracked his mate to where he found him, looking pretty rugged. Then as all good mates do, he decided to play a practical joke to give him a fright! They are still good friends today.

The end

The simple lesson here is this:

This story shows a person who had met all his needs and was at the highest level. He had truly manifested his dream into reality and how he quickly went into “Needs Deficit” (ND)

Clearly we must walk before we can run, If we can’t breath we aren’t worried about water, we NEED air, our ND is air; this is a very basic example.

To look at it another way we could say that; trying to be a highly regarded successful whatever (4/5) will not be possible if we are in ND of (1, 2, or 3).

Our ND needs attention first; this doesn’t mean that if we don’t have a house and family we can’t achieve our dream ambitions.
On the contrary it means that we should, let go of our graving, yearning and striving to achieve success at any cost type of attitude, and maintain our lower levels of needs so that we can open the path to the higher levels.

Many of us, myself included have been guilty of forgetting about our needs for friends and family when we are trying to obtain the higher ideals of success.

This area can be a particular problem with the internet, because it uses up so much of our time and attention.
If we maintain our basic needs we will be able share our dreams and talk about them and believe in them and be content and happy about them.
Thus allowing our dreams to manifest into reality.
Doesn’t it make sense that with this kind of thinking we will all be able to move on to the higher levels of self actualization?

Maintain your ND and believe in your DREAMS the rest will happen!

Bill Boyd, has been in business for 20 years, he has studied Chinese medicine, Oriental Philosophy, and has a 3rd degree Black Belt in Tang Soo Do. He has coached and mentored several elite athletes to international success. http://www.lifecoachelite.com

Personal technology has revolutionized business and working in general over the past twenty years. Personal computers, cell phones, the internet, personal organizers and other high technology devices have made the working world of the mid-1980’s and earlier seem like the Stone Age. These devices have improved efficiency, flexibility and the overall speed of interactions of all types. One area where technology has been a mixed success has been in the areas of leadership, supervision and coaching.

While the advent of new technologies and tools has made the best coaches even better, it has provided obstacles for inexperienced and less-effective coaches. There are several reasons for this.
- Emails rather than face-to-face coaching
- Voice mail messages rather than real time conversations
- Top down, spread sheet driven objectives rather mutually defined “SMART” objectives
- The advent of telecommuting and other work from home alternatives (which have significant upsides also)

Some tips for executives, managers, supervisors and other coaches operating in this high technology environment:
- Meet your people individually face-to-face at least quarterly. If you cannot travel to meet them, they should travel to meet you.
- Never put in an email or a voice mail what you can deliver either face-to-face or over the phone live. Follow it up with an e-mail or voice mail if necessary.
- Objectives should be more than a series of numbers from top down. They should be arrived at jointly and discussed face-to-face in an objective setting session. If not face to face, they can be handled on phone call or calls.
- Some people do great working from home away from their supervisor and peers. But other people need the direct interaction with their coach and with their co-workers. This depends on the job function, the individual and amount team versus individual contribution required for success. This must be evaluated on a case-by-case basis.

The combination of technology plus effective personal coaching can create an environment for individual and team success.

George F. Franks, III is the founder and CEO of Franks Consulting Group - a Bethesda, Maryland based management consulting and leadership coaching practice. He is a member of the Institute of Management Consultants and the International Coach Federation. Franks Consulting Group can be found on the web at:
http://www.franksconsultinggroup.com
George’s blog is:
http://consultingandcoaching.blogspot.com

Creativity can be defined as problem identification and idea generation whilst innovation can be defined as idea selection, development and commercialisation.

There are other useful definitions in this field, for example, creativity can be defined as consisting of a number of ideas, a number of diverse ideas and a number of novel ideas.

There are distinct processes that enhance problem identification and idea generation and, similarly, distinct processes that enhance idea selection, development and commercialisation. Whilst there is no sure fire route to commercial success, these processes improve the probability that good ideas will be generated and selected and that investment in developing and commercialising those ideas will not be wasted.

Artists and Creativity

There is a common perception that being creative and being an artist are one and the same. That if you are one, then you are also the other. This is bad thinking:

a) What people are referring to is their perception of a creative type. In fact it is highly contentious that there is a creative type at all. Whilst some theorists argue that there are creativity traits such as tolerance for ambiguity and intolerance for conformity, others counter that these traits are hard to identify and are situation dependent. Further, motivation is more important than traits.

b) If creativity is problem identification and idea generation then we all have this ability. Further, we can all produce large numbers of ideas, numbers of diverse ideas and numbers of novel ideas. This is related to task competency.

c) Creativity is a cognitive ability. People may look “creative,” but this is a bad guide to their actual cognitive performance.

d) There are many types of “artists.” Poets and painters are two very different types. Bunching all “artists” together compounds confusion. The ability of painter, for example, is related to at least two factors. First, there is his or her cognitive activity - what he or she finds aesthetically pleasing etc. Second, there is the mechanical capability of being able to translate those images onto a physical canvas with paint. This second ability is related to the hard wiring of the painter - motor neurons etc.

These and other topics are covered in depth in the MBA dissertation on Managing Creativity & Innovation, which can be purchased (along with a Creativity and Innovation DIY Audit, Good Idea Generator Software and Power Point Presentation) from http://www.managing-creativity.com/

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Kal Bishop MBA, is a management consultant based in London, UK. He has consulted in the visual media and software industries and for clients such as Toshiba and Transport for London. He has led Improv, creativity and innovation workshops, exhibited artwork in San Francisco, Los Angeles and London and written a number of screenplays. He is a passionate traveller. He can be reached on http://www.managing-creativity.com/